How’s everyone holdin' up? T3G's therapeutic mental health and general chat thread.

[Dirtboy2009]

Man oh man. This dialysis treatment is not going to be fun. I started my "training" on wednesday. Yesterday was a full day of fills and drains.

During treatment I'll go to work with 2500 cc's of fluid (doing the work of my non functioning kidneys), then come home and drain that out. Throughout the night I'll have multiple fluid exchanges.

So basically myself nor my wife will have a life. I'll need to be home by 7 daily, take a shower, get the machine ready and be hooked up for the exchange process for 8-10 hrs. Early morning it will fill with 2500 cc's for my work shift. Then come home and start all over. Being that I work so early, the nurse said I'll need to plan for getting up an hour earlier (which would be 4) to prepare for the day.

This is going to be highly taxing on me. Hopefully we can get all this testing done with the VA and get on the transplant list asap. I've done quite a bit of lab work so far. Here's whats left:

Cardiolgist
Pulmonary Specialist
Sleep Study
Dental
Vision
Physic Eval

I'm sure there will be more. Tacoma mods will stop for now. Hoping to get some trail time soon to help relieve this stress.

 

[Dirtboy2009]

Random work related....

I've been a vet tech for 35 years, and some parts of the job are a lot more difficult than others.

Today, I had to tell someone that their little dog has malignant melanoma. She brought him in 2 weeks ago to have some dental work done (tooth abscess), and after removing the bad tooth, asked her to come back in 2 weeks to check his mouth. Something about the extraction didn't seem right, and the doctor agreed.

So, fast forward to this Monday, 2 weeks after removing his bad tooth, and we find a mass about the size of a cherry in the extraction site. The tumor is so aggressive that he really only has days left.

His owner was so upset...she calls him her "ride or die" buddy, and he's seen her through some really tough times. I'm so sad for her. This is definitely one of those days when I hate my job, and would rather do anything than what I do.

Thank you for what you do C-Dog. I don't know how I would have been able to handle all the "procedures" I've been through with my fur babies if it weren't for our vet techs. We have laughed and cried together. I love them all. Thanks again C.

 

[fourgotten]

I guess I'm an idiot because I never even thought to look into that when I rented the unit but still ugh.

How could you have known? They probably didn't start that crap prior to the pandemic...

 

[Tyler]

Thank you for what you do C-Dog. I don't know how I would have been able to handle all the "procedures" I've been through with my fur babies if it weren't for our vet techs. We have laughed and cried together. I love them all. Thanks again C.

I second this @C-Dog. I would love to help all the friends like you do but I don’t think I’d be able to emotionally handle it. Our Frenchie is 10 this month and even that is sad. Paige made her a special birthday necklace for 10.

 

[Tyler]

How could you have known? They probably didn't start that crap prior to the pandemic...

Good point. Well if anyone ever needs a storage unit, definitely try to avoid Public Storage.

 

[Meclizine]

Good point. Well if anyone ever needs a storage unit, definitely try to avoid Public Storage.

Seriously! A colleague had access to his unit denied for months as a result of a mishandled drug investigation. A nearby unit was potentially contaminated with fentanyl and the management was giving him the run around the whole time. Charged him the full rate for the unit while keeping very expensive equipment locked up. He had to get in touch with several LE agencies to sort it out.

 

[Dirtboy2009]

That ain't right. He should have at least been discounted.

 

[Tyler]

Seriously! A colleague had access to his unit denied for months as a result of a mishandled drug investigation. A nearby unit was potentially contaminated with fentanyl and the management was giving him the run around the whole time. Charged him the full rate for the unit while keeping very expensive equipment locked up. He had to get in touch with several LE agencies to sort it out.

That ain't right. He should have at least been discounted.

It sucks how we as consumers can be put through that, receive no compensation or attempts to make it right, and that's the end of it. The company loses nothing while we are posting in mental health threads on forums, lol.

 

[solscooter]

My wife dresses up our dogs. I don’t know how I feel about it.

 

[Tyler]

My wife dresses up our dogs. I don’t know how I feel about it.

@Paige

 

[bonifacio]

It sucks how we as consumers can be put through that, receive no compensation or attempts to make it right, and that's the end of it. The company loses nothing while we are posting in mental health threads on forums, lol.

Bombard their reviews!

 

[Tyler]

Bombard their reviews!

Never done a Google review but maybe I should.

 

[bonifacio]

Make sure to mention the spaghetti. The spaghetti was everywhere!

 

[Mike_570]

I don't typically like talking about this kind of stuff but since this thread is here and I've read some of the posts I guess I may as well. I've dealt with generalized depression since I was a little kid, it may wax and wane but it never goes away. Nothing caused by anything, and by all accounts I've had a pretty good life. While some situations throughout life obviously have caused struggles, I mainly don't have anything causing it I just get depressed - and even though I can acknowledge it and recognize that there's nothing causing me to feel that way, it doesn't really make it any better. Actually, for me, to feel that way with having nothing to point to as the cause really fucking SUCKS. Probably because I don't understand how I'll ever find a solution if I can't see a cause.

I've tried anti-depressants numerous times. They work for a bit or I think they're working but I don't genuinely believe they do. I have had to cut my drinking down significantly because I notice that only makes the feeling worse when I wake up the next day. I just try and keep myself busy and keep out of my head as much as possible...I can usually bypass the feeling, at least temporarily, if I'm actively doing something. All I know is that I hope I can figure it out someday. I don't want to feel this way for the rest of my life, I'm only 27 - I've got a long way to go!

 

[Tyler]

Nothing caused by anything, and by all accounts I've had a pretty good life. While some situations throughout life obviously have caused struggles, I mainly don't have anything causing it I just get depressed - and even though I can acknowledge it and recognize that there's nothing causing me to feel that way, it doesn't really make it any better. Actually, for me, to feel that way with having nothing to point to as the cause really fucking SUCKS.

This is me. I have nothing bad from my parents, household, or childhood that caused it. I did hate school and in high school I basically failed my way to graduation. But I was a skateboarder and had a lot of friends within that group so that aspect of it wasn't so bad.

In high school I knew I didn't want to go to college because of how much I hated school and "learning" about things that don't matter to me. After high school, I worked with my dad roofing and insulating, like 70 hours a week sometimes. I hated that too because it made me a lot of money that I couldn't use because my weeks were wake up by 4am, work, get home as late as 10pm, and repeat.

I had been with @Paige since 17/18 years old and worked with my dad but eventually quit at around 19/20. Paige was the only thing that motivated me to care about anything so at 21 I decided to join the military because I didn't know what else to do to make sure I could have a good life with her. I didn't know anything about the military at the time but when I found out the Marine Corps was considered the hardest and shittiest branch to be part of, I picked that one to basically say "fuck you" to my younger self.

The Marine Corps ended up clicking for me and I was moving up faster than my peers. But a back injury that went from "I'm a Marine, not a little bitch - ignore the pain" to "congrats, you have chronic pain for life", ended up in my medical separation/retirement after 6 years. I was really liking the Corps and the times me and Paige were having thanks to its benefits, so I planned on doing the full 20 years.

Once the back thing started to become a real problem to the point that getting out was a possibility, I started to get real dark. I was someone who had already been in real dark places plenty of times and used the Marine Corps to get out of that, which it did. So to see my career slowly end because of an injury, I really lost my bearing. To the point where I swallowed 1.5 bottles of my meds, causing me to spend 4 days in the hospital hallucinating, having a seizure in front of Paige, and basically giving her PTSD for life. (I'm bringing that up casually because I already talked about it on T3G once.)

So now here I am. Out of the Corps, still reliant on meds (different ones now), very much reliant on Paige, and not sure where I'm going next. We're 30 and living out of our camper/doing extended stays at her parents' house. We used to have a beautiful place in California that I "lost" by an injury and bad decisions.

All of that because of nothing particularly terrible. Just a skater punk rebel in high school that had no interest in doing life the "normal" way.

Probably because I don't understand how I'll ever find a solution if I can't see a cause.

I hear that. Maybe there won't be a solution but you'll be able to accept that fact. Once you accept it, you can tell yourself that you simply aren't depressed anymore because it doesn't exist beyond you deciding it does (since nothing caused it). Not saying that will happen but I've read people using that mindset on Reddit.

I don't want to feel this way for the rest of my life, I'm only 27 - I've got a long way to go!

I'm only 30. I really hope I can get through life. It's fun when it's fun but it's not my faaaavorite hobby to be honest.

 

[Mike_570]

This is me. I have nothing bad from my parents, household, or childhood that caused it. I did hate school and in high school I basically failed my way to graduation. But I was a skateboarder and had a lot of friends within that group so that aspect of it wasn't so bad.

In high school I knew I didn't want to go to college because of how much I hated school and "learning" about things that don't matter to me. After high school, I worked with my dad roofing and insulating, like 70 hours a week sometimes. I hated that too because it made me a lot of money that I couldn't use because my weeks were wake up by 4am, work, get home as late as 10pm, and repeat.

I had been with @Paige since 17/18 years old and worked with my dad but eventually quit at around 19/20. Paige was the only thing that motivated me to care about anything so at 21 I decided to join the military because I didn't know what else to do to make sure I could have a good life with her. I didn't know anything about the military at the time but when I found out the Marine Corps was considered the hardest and shittiest branch to be part of, I picked that one to basically say "fuck you" to my younger self.

The Marine Corps ended up clicking for me and I was moving up faster than my peers. But a back injury that went from "I'm a Marine, not a little bitch - ignore the pain" to "congrats, you have chronic pain for life", ended up in my medical separation/retirement after 6 years. I was really liking the Corps and the times me and Paige were having thanks to its benefits, so I planned on doing the full 20 years.

Once the back thing started to become a real problem to the point that getting out was a possibility, I started to get real dark. I was someone who had already been in real dark places plenty of times and used the Marine Corps to get out of that, which it did. So to see my career slowly end because of an injury, I really lost my bearing. To the point where I swallowed 1.5 bottles of my meds, causing me to spend 4 days in the hospital hallucinating, having a seizure in front of Paige, and basically giving her PTSD for life. (I'm bringing that up casually because I already talked about it on T3G once.)

So now here I am. Out of the Corps, still reliant on meds (different ones now), very much reliant on Paige, and not sure where I'm going next. We're 30 and living out of our camper/doing extended stays at her parents' house. We used to have a beautiful place in California that I "lost" by an injury and bad decisions.

All of that because of nothing particularly terrible. Just a skater punk rebel in high school that had no interest in doing life the "normal" way.


I hear that. Maybe there won't be a solution but you'll be able to accept that fact. Once you accept it, you can tell yourself that you simply aren't depressed anymore because it doesn't exist beyond you deciding it does (since nothing caused it). Not saying that will happen but I've read people using that mindset on Reddit.


I'm only 30. I really hope I can get through life. It's fun when it's fun but it's not my faaaavorite hobby to be honest.

A lot of similarities after reading your reply. I, too, was a skater kid that hung out with a bunch of kids in that group. Couldn't give two shits about school, failed one grade, and made up that grade and my current grade in one year in order to graduate by my original graduation date. It's kind of comical, honestly, to think that I put that much effort to graduate on time when really I could have stopped sleeping in class and never failed in the first place.

Started working at 17, got a job doing some IT shit because I was good with electronics and it just fell in my lap. At that point, I wanted to join the military as soon as I was 18. Unfortunately due to an issue with my left lung, I was unable to enlist. So...I just kept working and I'm alright where I'm at now, I guess. When my grandfather passed away when I was 21 it hit me pretty hard and let's just say I fucked my life up pretty good for a bit...but luckily I was able to recover from that.

Even funnier is that I was someone that thought college was a waste of time and money and had absolutely zero intention of going. Yet, here I am, going to college in order to grow my position. Honestly, my opinion of College hasn't changed - but my employer is willing to pay for a decent chunk of it so I figured fuck it, why not? Not where I thought I'd be, but I guess I never really had any clue where I thought I was going to be in the first place.

I'm lucky enough now to be engaged to a wonderful woman that thinks the world of me, and when the days are bad enough I push through with her in my mind. Where I'd be without her....well...I don't know, and I'm not sure I want to! I feel like you may be able to say the same about yourself and Paige.

Either way, thanks for the reply. It's nice to know you're not the only one that deals with this kind of shit from time to time, but it's hard for people that don't feel it to sympathize with you.

 

[bonifacio]

Sounds like me. I'm 35 now. Felt the same way since forever. The worst part of my life was Asian parents. They beat me like a dog and I spent most of high school cooped up staring at a SAT book I didn't understand. But I don't think that caused it. I'm glad they raised me that way, but could have been nicer about it. I don't even know if medication helps. I know Zoloft didn't and ruined my life. Don't know if Lexapro and Buspar do anything for me. Just on them and fear stopping, even if it's slowly. Maybe it's just being alone. Single and have everything. No one to share it with. Friends grow. Get married and have kids. They stop inviting you to things because they feel bad or assume you don't want to be around their kids. COVID made things worse. Live to work, not work to live. Work in Corrections and it's nothing but politics and stress. Not even from the inmates. Most toxic environment.
I wonder if I know what happy is. Maybe that's why. But I don't have any motivation or drive. I struggle to get to work and I just want to go home to play a stupid game that aggravates me. Maybe just tense all the time. Face is always expressionless. People say I always sound down. Maybe it's my sleep. Have to work on wearing the CPAP.
I have definitely put thought into deciding what's going on. Trying to manifest my mindset, but it's so powerful. It's become engrained in me.
So life is all distractions I can tie myself in. Dumb hobbies and researching things I find interesting. Somedays I just want to go to sleep forever. I'm tired.

 

[Tyler]

I'm lucky enough now to be engaged to a wonderful woman that thinks the world of me, and when the days are bad enough I push through with her in my mind. Where I'd be without her....well...I don't know, and I'm not sure I want to! I feel like you may be able to say the same about yourself and Paige.

Absolutely. Her and our two dogs are my purpose.

 

[Tyler]

Lexapro and Buspar do anything for me. Just on them and fear stopping, even if it's slowly

I've been on Lexapro and another one that I forget the name of for almost 3 years. Also, adderall. The adderall I know helps because if you decide to take it that day, it's kind of like you had the best cup of coffee ever, and are willing to do things that you need to do. Lexapro and my other one, I don't know. I still have days that I can't move or eat but at the same time I'm assuming my overall stability is better because of the meds. I'm also too afraid to see what happens if I stop. But then I also get uncomfortable by the thought of taking the pills every single day until I die. That idea is not nearly as extreme as what happens in Requiem for a Dream but it sure feels like it.

Live to work, not work to live

This is one of my biggest complaints about life. Especially after the way my dad worked from 18 to 59, only to die from dementia and not get the happy retirement he deserved.

Dumb hobbies and researching things I find interesting. Somedays I just want to go to sleep forever. I'm tired.

Yes

 

[bonifacio]

Absolutely. Her and our two dogs are my purpose.

Working on that. Weird schedule doesn't help. I always say my dog owns the house and I just pay him rent.

 

[bonifacio]

I've been on Lexapro and another one that I forget the name of for almost 3 years. Also, adderall. The adderall I know helps because if you decide to take it that day, it's kind of like you had the best cup of coffee ever, and are willing to do things that you need to do. Lexapro and my other one, I don't know. I still have days that I can't move or eat but at the same time I'm assuming my overall stability is better because of the meds. I'm also too afraid to see what happens if I stop. But then I also get uncomfortable by the thought of taking the pills every single day until I die. That idea is not nearly as extreme as what happens in Requiem for a Dream but it sure feels like it.


This is one of my biggest complaints about life. Especially after the way my dad worked from 18 to 59, only to die from dementia and not get the happy retirement he deserved.


Yes

If medication improves my quality of life, I'm ok with that. I have seen the positive outcomes of people who are on them and much older than I. On days off, I don't do anything. Lay around. Wake up late. Somedays be out for 15 hours. Then just hop on the comp to play that stupid game just so I don't get stuck in my mind. Don't go to the store. Put things off for as long as I can. I really need to pick up and tidy things up. Even the truck. It's hard to install simple things.
Adderall just helps me be a little more awake. Don' think it does much stimulant wise. Caffeine immune.

That seems to be the outcome of people in Corrections. Life expectancy is 55. Retirement age is 50-55. Many don't make it much longer after that.

 

[AdventureDan71]

@Tyler, I just spent a bunch of time reading through this thread. What a magnificent community you have created here.

I am so happy to be a part of it.

 

[Tyler]

@Tyler, I just spent a bunch of time reading through this thread. What a magnificent community you have created here.

I am so happy to be a part of it.

Thank you. But it really is the all of the members that did it.

 

[Tyler]

Been on my down state last few days.

 

[Meclizine]

Me, too. Although I feel like I'm bouncing back a little, this has been the deepest rut I've experienced in a long time, and after three weeks of it I'm pretty tired. Hopefully I can get out of my head this weekend.

 

[Mike_570]

Hope you guys end up on the rebound soon. I wasn't doing great up until today, we finally had some beautiful weather and it has been helping a bit. I'm hoping it stays nice and maybe I can get myself to finish putting together my roof rack in the garage. Once I get going I'm fine but sometimes the hardest part is to get myself to do the things I know I need to do.

 

[B_Lui]

**Little story with the benefit of hindsight and some of the philosophies and ideas that got me through times when life wasn't ideal**

I don't think there is anything more difficult than being aware you are not living the life you want to live. Some people are never aware (the "life sucks, same shit different day" crowd) and trudge through life angry and pissed at everything. I think the bigger curse is being aware things are not how you want them to be knowing they can be different and not knowing how to get there.

All my life I knew I wanted to find one woman to spend the rest of my life with. When I would meet/date girls I was open for everything up to and including marriage. Apparently that is "odd" and commitment is a dirty word. I wanted to know the girls I would meet as people, learn their characters. Apparently your 20's is not the time to be that way.

The one thing I never did and will never do is compromise my character. I thought it better to be alone than to change how I was. I dove into some hobbies, met some great people through one of them that changed the course of my life and helped me become who I am today.

At the end of 2009 I met the woman that would become my wife, companion, mother to my son and everything that I knew was out there. We'll be celebrating our 10th anniversary this summer. Maybe I'll share the story of how we met one day. Neither of us needs each other, it works because we both want each other.

Here's where the hindsight comes into play...all those years things weren't going how I wanted I was doing something and I didn't even know it. In my mid 20's I told myself "Fuck it...if I don't meet someone by the time I'm 30 I'm joining the army." It was an empty threat to myself. I had a house, good job, good family, friends, nothing wrong at all. What I was doing that whole time was setting myself for the next thing (whatever it may have been). I didn't let myself get too out of sorts because I knew if I did, I wouldn't be able to take advantage if/when an opportunity arose. I was always ready through keeping myself busy with things that interested me (and I was always learning).

I guess if a mindset is always preparing, striving for a goal it's tough to get bogged down with too much negativity. Choose activities and mindsets that make you sharper, keep learning, that help or parallel how you see your big picture. I didn't realize that's what I did for almost 10 years.

I have no idea if this will help anyone, maybe one little part, maybe none. I don't know. Being aware is more than half the battle. I've never been on any meds. A valium before I had my wisdom teeth out, the painkillers from that made me sick. I take Advil/Tylenol under protest.

We can be our own worst enemies, but we also have the power to overcome anything and propel ourselves to be the the individuals we want to be.

If anyone wants to PM me about anything feel free.

 

[TCOTUE]

My wife has been my savior during this whole ordeal. She never pretends to understand what I'm going through. We've both helped each other through some dark times. We both have alot on our plate. With my medical stuff, her dad falling last sept and breaking his neck. And our severely sensitive dog. We both say our dog keeps us grounded. Our pup is 13 in may, and sadly starting to show her age. I promise you, we will both be in a dark place when the time comes.

I will say music gets me through a lot as well. I've tried the podcast thing, but can't get involved for some reason. Maybe I'm listening to the wrong podcasts. I used to listen to sermons (mainly motivational ones), those seemed to help me a little.

 

[Tyler]

I’m just coming back after about 2 days of not even looking at my phone. I have 320 unread text messages (group chats). I wish I could just not have a phone.

 

[Mike_570]

I’m just coming back after about 2 days of not even looking at my phone. I have 320 unread text messages (group chats). I wish I could just not have a phone.

Hope you're doing alright. The amount of text messages that you get sounds overwhelming man, I wouldn't want to deal with that. I can definitely understand wishing you didn't have a phone.